HOW NOT TO MAKE MISTAKES DURING SEASONS OF CRISES IN MARRIAGE
MARRIAGE IS MYSTERIOUS. IT IS VERY DEEP TO THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE ORDINARY MAN OR WOMAN.
THE PRESENCE OF ISSUES IN A MARRIAGE DOES NOT MEAN THAT GOD IS NOT THERE. HE IS AWARE AND SOMETIMES PERMITS IT IN ORDER TO ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION.
GOD IS YOUR ONLY LIFELINE IN TIMES OF UNCERTAINTY.
IT IS BETTER FOR A CONFUSED MAN TO LEAVE YOUR LIFE THAN THAT CONFUSED MAN ENTERING YOUR LIFE TO INCREASE CONFUSION IN YOUR LIFE
CERTAIN PEOPLE WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE DURING COURTSHIP; PLEASE DON’T KILL YOURSELF, CELEBRATE IT.
BE CAREFUL OF ANY RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU ARE PREVENTED FROM TALKING WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS
AN IRRESPONSIBLE PERSON WHO COULD NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIR FAMILY IS NOT IN A POSITION TO COUNSEL YOU WHO IS TAKING CARE OF A FAMILY.
A LADY THAT CAN’T KEEP RELATIONSHIPS IS NOT IN THE BEST POSITION TO ADVISE SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO START A RELATIONSHIP
MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT END YOUR DREAMS, VISION AND PLAN ABOUT WHAT TO BECOME IN LIFE
- Rev Godwin I Abba on MISTAKES PEOPLE MAKE WHEN EXPERIENCING UNCERTAINTY IN THEIR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIPS at Marriage and Relationship Service|| Word Alive Centre International, Abuja|| Ist Service || 13th November, 2022
I want to welcome us to this awesome service. Today is our Marriage and Relationship service.
And I know so well that God will blast our lives and change our lives.
Let’s celebrate the choir…
How many of you are ready for the Lord this morning?
Thank you Jesus. Ephesians 5:31-33. Church Gist. Somebody say, it is a mystery.
This morning, we are going to be looking at a subject, MISTAKES PEOPLE MAKE WHEN EXPERIENCING UNCERTAINTY IN THEIR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIPS.
If you get verse 32 of Ephesians 5, which will be our focal scripture of today’s message, “…This is a great mystery…”
What is a mystery?
A mystery is something that is not too plain to the ordinary mind or the human mind. Something that is beyond human comprehension or human reasoning. What is hidden from the physical sight that will only take the help of God to demystify, unravel or reveal. Church Gist. Marriage or relationship is mysterious. Very deep to the understanding of the ordinary man or the ordinary woman. The Bible speaking about the depth of the relationship or the connection between a man and a woman said, “…that is what will make a king go after a slave.” It is mysterious.
So because of this mystery, there are the ups and downs in marriages and the ups and downs in relationships that you get to certain points in your marriage or relationships that things begin to get uncertain or begin to get unsure or somehow unreal. The challenge now is not the uncertainty you may be experiencing or the turbulence you may be going through or the scattered nature or the invisibility of certain things in that marriage or relationship. The issue here is how do you tackle that season? Church Gist. How do you handle that season? And this is where a lot of people make mistakes.
So today we will be looking at 6 or 7 mistakes that take place in this season:
- THE PEOPLE ABANDON THEIR GOD.
When uncertainty begins to arise in marriages or relationships, the people involved tend to or make the mistake of abandoning their God unconsciously.
That is when you hear people say things like, I don’t even feel like praying anymore, this problem on this relationship or marriage is too strong. I don’t feel like praying. In short, why should I pray. If God was there, why didn’t God tackle this issue before it came up? Church Gist. As long as this physical world and life is concerned, life is loaded with ups and downs. God is aware and some of them, God permits them just to make sure He gets the best of our attention.
Uncertainty in relationships or uncertainty in marriages does not make God less than who He is. It doesn’t make God bad. No! God may permit it, but God did not orchestrate it. God may allow it, but it’s not God that sent it.
A young lady was in a relationship for 4 years. Great relationship, a lot of promises were made. Family members aware, friends aware that this two people were in a relationship. And the relationship was not one that they didn’t know where they were going. They had a direction. The direction was that they were going to end up on the altar, that they would become husband and wife. So there was already a direction and then suddenly, the marriage didn’t work again. And the lady backslid. After 4 years. And said what is the need serving God?
In case you don’t know, God is your life line when drowning. God is the only lifeline in uncertainty. Daniel 11:32.
The only thing that can guarantee the result you are looking for in a situation or in a circumstance when it seems like all hopes are gone, is the presence and the power of God in that very situation.
Psalms 23. When you are faced with uncertainty, when you are faced with a cloud of darkness, when you are faced with a situation where it seems as if you are just alone, there is nobody with you, there is no man with you, you are just alone, this scripture will change your life.
When there are troubles and tempest, tormenting seasons or moments, He leads us besides the peaceful stream. So when there are uncertainties, the best person to abandon is not God. It is only God that can deliver you and take you through that season successfully.
That one, you don’t lose your mind, you don’t lose your life and you don’t lose anything.
-I see God bringing somebody peace right now! I say I see God bringing that peace on somebody right now!
Nothing saps energy like troubled relationships. Nothing diminishes and declines strength like troubled marriages. Nothing causes strength to disappear like uncertainty in a home or in a family or a relationship when you don’t even know where you are going to. You don’t know what’s happening next. You’re just left in limbo, you don’t know what’s happening next. It can be so energy sapping. Life draining! In the midst of that, God is your strength!
Say, Lord I receive strength from You right now! So when there are uncertainties in marriages and relationships, the mistake many people make is to abandon God. The Bible says the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and they are saved. The name of the Lord, the name of the Lord.
A lady committed suicide because the person she was to marry jilted her. She killed herself. Why? That she cannot stand the shame. The shame of what? That someone left your life?
It is better for a confused man to leave your life than that confused man entering your life to increase confusion in your life.
Everybody brings who they are into marriages or relationships. When the person is confused, he cannot give you better than the confusion that he or she has. When a person is restless, they can’t give you better than their restlessness. When a person is troublesome, she cannot give you less than trouble.
You cannot expect more than who they are. And if you get it, it is your bargaining.
Certain people walk out of your life, particularly during courtship, please don’t kill yourself, celebrate it. You don’t know what the Lord delivers us from until He shows us what the devil plotted against us.
-May God give you unusual strength in the name of Jesus.
Psalms 23:4. The darkest valley is where you can’t see. It’s like groping in the dark. Your eyes are open but you are seeing nothing. There are stages and phases like that in relationships and in marriages.
This is why you need God in uncertainty. You don’t abandon God when a man or woman abandons you. You don’t abandon God when it looks like nothing is working out in that relationship. You don’t abandon church, you don’t abandon God. Brethren, that is when you need God more and the people of God.
The mistake people make when they face uncertainty is to abandon God.
- THEY AVOID THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS AND THEIR TRUSTED FRIENDS
One of the reasons they do this is because they say they don’t want to face shame. Some of them are loaded with pride. Its possible that they took some steps that were mistaken steps and they don’t know how to go back on it.
I heard a story yesterday that broke my heart. A married woman for carried away and was involved in extra marital affairs. And the person who lured her into this, took certain pictures of their nudeness and suddenly the person started blackmailing her. I would show the picture to your husband, I will show the picture to your family. You know how prominent your family is, I will give it to the Press. And then the guy demanded for about 5 million. This woman started paying until she got choked, she couldn’t pay again. Instead of telling her husband or telling her father, she started avoiding her dad, her husband, her family. And then the next thing she could do was to commit suicide.
I’m not telling you a Nigerian movie, or Bollywood. I’m telling you real life.
I heard this thing yesterday and I was angry in my spirit. Church Gist. Aunty, sister, if you like be a porn star and your video clips are everywhere. The day you make your mind that you want to serve God, I’m not running from anybody, come out open!
If anybody does not like your face, let them go to hell. To hell! Somebody took your nude pictures and said their going to the Press, give them money to take it to the Press! Tell them come, I will sponsor it! Come! How much do you need? Let me send it to the media for you.
The world is so wicked that people are looking for means of taking advantages of the weak. She abandoned her family. When the father discovered what happened, they said for 3 days, this man who is a devouring lion that people know and they are afraid of.
The man said, Me that people fear, so my daughter will die like this? The painful thing to the man is that he didnt even know who was trying to blackmail the daughter. He wished he knew!
There is nothing that is too strong, tough and bad that happens to you in a relationship or in a marriage that should keep you away from your family. Nothing!
Please, in case you are in a courtship or relationship and the person you are courting or relating with, is already preventing you from talking with your family members or visiting your family members, be careful with such a person. Because what they are looking for is an opportunity to cut you off your family so that they can deal with you. Church Gist. There are many people who are going through abusive marriages today that can’t talk to their family, can’t talk to their trusted friends. Why? The guy said, If you tell anybody, that is the end of this marriage. To hell with any marriage that keeps me away from my family.
We are not talking about family interference right now. We are just talking about someone trying to keep you away from your family because they want to carry out wickedness on such people. When you go through uncertainties on marriage or relationship, please don’t avoid your family members.
It’s not an issue of I don’t want third party to know. The man punched you and your eyes swelled up, they ask you what happened to you, you say I was cleaning the house. In the middle of the parlor, when I raised up my head, I hit my head on the wardrobe. What is wardrobe doing in the middle of the parlor? Protecting the one that wants to destroy you.
You see this thing, the way its going one day somebody will die, please let family members know. If there are no family members you have trusted friends, let them know.
Your wife poisoned your food, you ate it, rushed to the hospital, you survived and the doctor told you that the food was poisoned. And you know that the only place you ate for the last three days was your home and the only person that prepared food for you is your wife.
After the discharge you say, Honey how are you? I will love you to death!
You are not well sir.
Praise the Lord.
The guy is beating you, pounding you. Head butt, knee butt, elbow punch… After beating you to stupor, beating you to pulp, you came back to consciousness. People came, poured water on you. Blood everywhere. They asked you what happened, you said it was your husband that beat you. It’s the guy that you want to marry that beat you. Thank God I didn’t die. Please don’t tell anybody.
You are not well.
Psalms 68:6. He places them. God is a family oriented God and a family conscious God. We are not talking about you bringing your family into a relationship that is working. We are talking about a marriage or a relationship that if God does not step in and people don’t intervene, something may go wrong. Church Gist. If a woman dies in a relationship, the guy that started that relationship with her will start another one. If a man dies in a relationship, the lady will find her way. Possibly she has even been praying that she made the wrong choice. So that wrong choice should go.
If a man dies in a marriage, an abusive marriage, the woman, it’s a matter of time… 10 years, she will marry. That’s if she is remorseful.
If a woman dies in a marriage, it’s a matter of 6 months. The man will marry again.
You don’t avoid your trusted friends. Somebody say trusted friend. You must know the difference. Somebody who can watch your back, tell you the truth.
So don’t neglect your life. Attend to your dreams, attend to your visions,attend to your life. Attend to the reasons for your life. There is a reason for living before marriage, attend to it.
- THEY REJECT WISE, WORKABLE AND WINNING COUNSEL OR COMPANY.
Proverbs 11:14. The counselor we are talking about here are products or successful marriages or relationships. Please take note of that. A woman with a failed marriage is not in the right position to counsel you who is still in a successful marriage. Some will come and tell you, let me tell you my experience. You see the way this marriage is going? That is the way my own was going that didn’t work. If you have the case to answer them, answer them with a question: What did you do? How much did you try? That does not mean their experiences may not be real. But what solutions do they try to proffer or produce?
An irresponsible man who couldn’t take care of the family is not in the best position to counsel you who is taking care of a family. Note that. Church Gist. We’ve heard cases where a man told the friend, Me, I can’t take this kind of thing. If my wife does this kind of thing, slap will land on her, she knows, ask her.
That is a man counseling another man, saying if your wife does what you don’t like, beat her!
See those type of counsel, don’t go close to it.
So what kind of counsel are we talking about? Wise, workable, winning counsel. The counsel should be wise. That means they are godly. The counsel is workable – that means that there are steps when you take will work for you. The counsel is winning counsel – that means that who you listen to, matters a great deal. Praise the Lord. A lady that can’t keep relationships, is not in the best position to advise someone who wants to start a relationship. A guy that is in an abusive marriage is not the one to counsel a young man who wants to start a right relationship. Also, hang around wise people. Proverbs 11:14 (NLT)
So in life, have mentors. Don’t operate in isolation. Have mentors. These mentors are people whose lives you have seen and you notice that their relationship and marriage are working and you know it. I’m not talking about people who beat each other at home and pretend in public, God will open your eyes to know who to ask question or who to listen to.
When people reject wise counsel, winning counsel, workable counsel, they end up in ruined relationship or ruined marriages. Church Gist. You hear somebody say, I don’t want anyone to know what’s happening in my relationship. No, it’s not everybody. There are people God will position for you – your spiritual parents, particularly. Or you get an independent counselor, someone that will not be biased. Because anytime relationships are experiencing turbulence or uncertainty, it is very important that you listen to someone that God has positioned to give you the next step or the next phase in that relationship. There are some men today, if they knew what they knew when they packed up their relationships or their marriages, they wouldn’t have packed it up.
Some people have told me, I wish I met you so so years ago.
- THEY STOP DREAMING, THINKING AND PLANNING ABOUT A BETTER FUTURE.
Life is progressive. How did you come this far? The beginning of marriage should not be the death of planning, of dreaming, of projection. You’re stepping into a relationship, it should not be the end of your dream, your vision or your planning. Praise the Lord.
Let me advise every man here: If you married a lady who stopped at Secondary school, whether you promised the parent or not, make sure she schools further.
My wife is a living witness, because what I am about to say is about her. When we got married, my wife’s highest educational qualification was secondary school certificate. And one of those times we discussed about furthering education, I went to College of Education, Zuba to get admission for her there. In the process of trying to process her admission, I lost her WAEC result, under heavy sun. The hours I used to look for that result was more than the one I used to look for that admission for her. That didn’t work, she didn’t stop there. She went back to school again, wrote everything she needed to get and went back to University of Abuja. She did her first degree and then went for her Masters. Our marriage is 19 years now, next year will be 20. I didn’t stop her from going to school because she will become more polished, if possible more polished than myself. It was in marriage I went back to school. I did not abandon my academics or education because of marriage. I didn’t.
Marriage shouldn’t end your dreams, vision and plan about what to become in life.
Do everything you can to improve on yourself, develop yourself. Let a better version of you emerge. Can I say something here please?
If you were in a relationship and it didn’t work, after 2 or 3 years, you parted ways, please I beg you, before that guy should meet you next, let a better version of you be on ground. Don’t lose vision because you lost a relationship. Don’t lose dreams because you lost a relationship. Don’t lose a better future because you lost a relationship. Same thing with the guy.
A young guy met a lady and asked Will you marry me? The lady said, what’s your qualification, what do you do? He said, Really, I don’t have a job, this is what I just do, I’m self employed, I just finished Secondary school. The lady said, You’re not my type. So the guy left, proposed to another person. They agreed, got married. In that marriage, the guy went back to school. Had his first degree, went for his Masters. The next time that former lady saw him, he was looking good, well polished, well built, gainfully employed, highly successful. Life is not as bad as people see it. The best of a person does not stop at the worst of his state.
What is so terrible today, can be transformed tomorrow. A better version of you. Let the world meet a better version of you. If they left you uneducated, let them meet you well educated. If they left you because you were broke, let them see you the next time, balanced with wealth. If they left you because they felt this guy is not ‘tushed up’, you know there is a way you suffer in life that life will design your body and put contour on your body and reshape your shape. But when God will visit you and touch you, every thing will be turned around.
Young man that lady you call ugly, she’s ugly because money is absent. The day you get some money and pamper her and panelbeat her with the money, she will be readjusted. I tell you the truth.
You see a guy, you say this guy looks so dry. It’s a matter of money. When milk, butter and egg will enter his system all those dry parts will begin to come out like muscle.
There is nobody that is ugly, they are only ugly because money is absent. The day money will show up, the beauty will show up. Don’t look down on anybody because of their present state. All they are waiting for is a divine opportunity, when that opportunity shows up, everything will change!
Stand to your feet! Say Father we give You praise for Your word. We thank You, for Your presence. We thank You for Your revelation. Lord, deliver us from any mistakes that will mess up our lives.
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