BY NEXT APRIL, OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE THIRTY YEARS. THIRTY YEARS OF REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE THAT IS WORKING AND IS WORKABLE
IN THOSE DAYS YOU ONLY HEARD OF DIVORCE IN THE WORLD, TODAY IT IS IN THE CHURCH. IT IS ALMOST MORE IN THE CHURCH THAN IN THE WORLD.
IT IS A PAIN IN THE HEART WHEN YOU SEE THE LEVEL AT WHICH MARRIAGES ARE CRASHING.
SOME PASTORS’ MARRIAGES ARE CRASHING. THERE ARE THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWO OR THREE TIMES AND THEY ARE JUST CRASHING.
THERE ARE PEOPLE EVEN LOOKING FOR SCRIPTURES NOW TO JUSTIFY WHY THEIR HOMES MUST FAIL.
THERE ARE SO MANY MARRIAGE COUNSELLORS THESE DAYS, YOU SEE THEM EVERYWHERE ONLINE. SOME ARE JUST SAYING DISASTROUS THINGS TO PEOPLE.
DON’T BE TOO ANOINTED TO TELL YOUR SPOUSE, ‘I LOVE YOU’.
IT IS NOT A SIGN OF MASCULINITY NOT TO SAY, ‘SORRY’ TO YOUR SPOUSE.
MARRY SOMEONE YOU ARE READY TO FORGIVE. BE A FORGIVER.
DON’T STEP INTO MARRIAGE CASUALLY, BE WATCHFUL!
AS A MAN LET YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR WIFE SEE THE PICTURE OF GOD THE FATHER WHEN THEY SEE YOU.
ANY SPIRITUALITY THAT IS NOT PRACTICAL IS FAKE.
THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, THAT IS WHO THEY ARE
A PROBLEM IS WHAT YOU SOLVE, A FACT IS WHAT YOU ACCEPT
DON’T TRY TO CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE TO BE YOU
IF THERE’S ANYBODY YOU’RE NOT ABLE TO FORGIVE, DON’T MARRY THEM
DON’T DISCUSS YOUR ISSUES WITH PEOPLE EXCEPT FOR COUNSELING OR SPIRITUAL HELP WHERE NECESSARY
DON’T MAKE THE OPPOSITE GENDER YOUR CONFIDANT IN YOUR MARRIAGE ISSUES. THAT IS HOW HOMES ARE RUINED
AM NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE BUT IT IS BETTER TO BE ALIVE WITHOUT A MARRIAGE THAN TO DIE BECAUSE Of MARRIAGE. DON’T BE WASTED!
THERE IS NO HUSBAND OR WIFE IN HEAVEN. MARRIAGE ENDS ON EARTH
THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT EVEN GOD HIMSELF CAN’T HELP – THERE ARE HUSBANDS AND WIVES LIKE THAT
IF YOUR FAMILY IS NOT HAPPY, YOUR DESTINY WILL NOT HAPPEN
TAKE THE TIME TO ASK AND LISTEN TO THE CONCERNS OF YOUR SPOUSE
THE NEGATIVE TESTIMONY OF MARITAL FAILURE IN OUR GENERATION WE WILL NEVER HEAR IT NEAR YOU
– Dr Pastor Paul Enenche on “DOMINION THROUGH A STABLE MARRIAGE AND FAMILY” || 2023 Destiny Recovery Convention || Day 3 Evening Session || Glory Dome, Abuja.
How would this conference have ended without a Word like this? The reason why this Word is more than necessary is the tragedy of homes today. It is a pain in the heart when you see the level at which marriages are crashing. Pastors’ marriages crashing. Pastors getting married again. There are those who have been married two, three times and they are just crashing. Church Gist. In those days you only heard of divorce in the world, today it is in the church. It is almost more in the church than in the world. If you go to the villages there are people in the villages who have never read the Bible with marriages that are stable. There are people even looking for scriptures now to justify why their homes must fail.
My wife qualifies for Professor of ‘Marriageology’. Oral Roberts said, “There are many people who want to say something but not many people have something to say”. There are so many marriage counsellors these days, you see them everywhere online. Some are saying disastrous things to people. Church Gist. Young singles are looking for what to hear and they hear a lot of garbage. People who don’t have any proof of what they are saying. People who are in all manner of garbage. By next April, you have thirty years of proof. 30 years of real life experience that is working and is workable.
DOMINION THROUGH A STABLE MARRIAGE AND FAMILY.
One of the things we learnt in scripture in Genesis 3:7-12. I want to first of all say that Adam’s dominion in the Garden of Eden was lost through marital and family failure among other things. Church Gist. I am going to itemize and enumerate to you very quickly what I think was the failure on the part of Adam. Dominion was lost. God created and put him in charge but there was a marital and family failure. What was this failure?
1. Adam appeared not to have given his wife the accurate instruction God gave him concerning the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
It appears that Adam did not give his wife the accurate instruction that God gave him regarding that tree. How did I know? God gave Adam the instruction before Eve was created. Genesis 2:15-17. God put the man in the Garden of Eden and gave him the instruction. Church Gist. God only created Eve after verse 18. There was an instruction about the tree that Eve seemed to not have heard from God directly and it appeared like Adam didn’t give Eve that instruction.
2. Adam appeared to have been distant from his wife for any reason.
Because we saw how the serpent came and engaged Eve, the question is where was Adam? Church Gist. I don’t know whether the serpent met Eve alone but he engaged Eve.
3. Adam appeared to have abandoned his spiritual responsibility to his wife.
Spiritual matters were made to be handled by Adam, not Eve. Church Gist. Allowing his wife to engage the enemy, he abandoned his spiritual responsibility. That was a marital failure.
4. Adam immediately refused to accept responsibility after the fall.
He said, “The woman you gave to me”. The responsibility of the home is on the man. Church Gist. Adam refused to accept responsibility. He said it is not my fault. That was marital failure.
4. Adam distanced himself from his wife once there was a problem.
Genesis 3:12. That was evidence of family failure. Church Gist. Relationship failure, marriage failure. When there will be a problem and you quickly separate yourself.
That was Adam. What about Eve? What was the proof?
1. Eve was having a conversation she was not meant to have at all with a personality she may not have needed to speak with.
A conversation! We just heard about that, how much women talk. Most marriages today crash because somebody talked too much. Church Gist. Either one spouse talked to strangers too much or talked to the husband or the wife too much. Eve was having a conversation with the serpent she was not meant to have.
2. Eve was assuming the responsibility that was not hers.
If there was such a question, Eve, that was not your responsibility. Ask the serpent to wait for you to call your husband. Church Gist. Eve was assuming a role that was not her role.
3. Eve was taking a decision that was not her decision. Eve was taking a decision she was not meant to take.
4. Eve was speaking on an issue that she had no understanding of.
5. Eve decided consciously or unconsciously to distance herself from her husband. She was in a position where the serpent could engage her alone. Church Gist. Eve decided consciously or unconsciously to distance herself from her husband, it might be by the doing of the man.
6. Eve decided literally to undermine the authority of God.
When the serpent said, “Did God say so?” Now, this was a people that God was visiting all the time. The first thing is I want you to hold on for my husband or we will ask God when next He comes. Eve fell into the temptation of independent existence from God. Eve decided to follow the path of spiritual insubordination to God. A path of rebellion, a path of spiritual bankruptcy and that led her out of the will of God. How many women today push their husbands out of God’s plan and purpose for their life? They just push the man out. How many women today destroy the beauty of what God planted? The beauty of Adam and Eve in the Garden, that beauty, the woman scattered it. Church Gist. It is the same spirit that a woman enters into a house of a beautiful couple – an admirable husband, admirable wife, respected by society, loved by everybody. This man takes care of his wife so much, this man loves his children. Then this woman steps into that home and she doesn’t see any other man except this man. What she wants is to enter the home, destroy the home, snatch the man, go to hell Madam, go to hell children. For me, that looks like the heart of the devil itself.
What makes you think that this man is good for you but not good for the woman that laboured with him to grow? What makes you think you can enter into a field where you have sowed no seed and you want to push out the labourer? Church Gist. It is something that beats my imagination all the time but what is worse? The woman is wicked but the man is ‘wickeder.’
The man who agrees to push out his wife, the man who agrees to make his children begin to cry that they can’t see their father anymore because a so-called Jezebel, a Delilah pocketed him and he agreed to be pocketed. One woman called a woman in whose house her husband was camping. She said, ‘Woman, I am a woman like you, don’t do that to me and my children! Will you release this man now’? The woman said, ‘If you threaten me, you won’t see him for the next seven weeks! Don’t joke with me, who told you that she belongs to only you’? Church Gist. That is the reality of the world that we live in. You don’t need to go that way of Eve and destroy the beauty that God creates and go counter to the plan and purpose of God. It doesn’t matter what your ambition is, it is not worth ruining the plan of God for the sake of your very personal selfish desire. You can see how Adam lost dominion and authority because there was intrinsic family and relationship failure.
Very very quickly, let me summarise the preaching of God’s Handmaiden and the things that we need to go home with, in twelve points. Church Gist. This is my counsel in twelve ways both to everyone who is single and to everyone who is married. Starting with the single:
1. Determine to fully involve God in your journey of destiny
This is talking about the journey of marriage and Ministry- Fully involve God. Don’t take the journey alone. You don’t know the future, you don’t know the content of things. Church Gist. Determine to fully involve God in your journey of destiny and that involves marriage and Ministry. This is you saying, ‘I’ve not followed this way before’!
2. Be watchful in your choice of life partner
Don’t step into marriage casually, be watchful!
3. Ask God to unveil everything you need to know about the person (That potential wife or husband) before you conclude, to avoid being deceived or taken by surprise. I feel a lot of pain these days when I see a young lady being deceived by a man or deceived by a woman. Church Gist. Under twenty-four hours, forty-eight hours and one week, the true colour of that devil agent will manifest and they are just wondering what to do with their lives.
4. Avoid rushing into any decision like the marital decision, that is not easily changeable.
5. Be a true Christian
Be truly spiritual, don’t be fake, don’t be unreal. Be a true Christian! Church Gist. Every true Christian will make a good husband and every good Christian will make a good wife.
6. Accept responsibilities of the Word
Accept the responsibilities of the Word in your relationship. ‘Husband, love your wife’, accept that responsibility and love your wife. ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands’, accept that responsibility! Church Gist. Practice the Word in your home. What my wife was telling you saying, ‘I love you’ and all of that – I don’t know how many times that she heard it today. You Pastor? Yes! Very spiritual! At times, your face is like Sunshine, but that spirituality is communicated in practicality.
Any spirituality that is not practical is fake, you are too anointed to say, ‘I love you’! Husbands love your wives. Too spiritual, too anointed and too solid! Eh? When you say, ‘I love you’, it appears as if you are weak. Who said so? Jesus was the strongest of men yet He wept – It is not timidity, it is not weakness neither is it a sign of masculinity to not to say sorry or ‘I love you’ to your spouse. Church Gist. These things can be practical, your life can be easy, you can take off pressure from your life and destiny. Let us practice the Bible in our marriage, in your family, with our children. Practice the Scriptures, accept the responsibility of the Word in your home and marriage.
7. Confirm your love and goodness from your home first (Charity they say begins at home)
What is the meaning? We heard that in the preaching, you are smiling for everybody yet you come home and you are frowning. The moment you reach the entrance of your house, your face changes. What a useless person! Church Gist. You are good to everybody, you are very liberal, you give money to everybody, everybody is talking about your goodness except your wife and children. I told my children and said, ‘Don’t ever be afraid to ask me for everything, provided you need it and you believe that I have it’. I gave them an open cheque and they have never abused that cheque. Pocket money in school, most times they won’t finish it – ‘Don’t send me anything, I’m okay’!
Be a reflection of the love of God first, as a man let your children and your wife see the picture of God the Father when they see you! When they observe your behaviour and character, let it be the picture of God the Father! I don’t know what my children posted some time ago, I don’t know whether I was carrying my guy at the back or playing with Destiny on her hair or something and they posted it. Somebody commented and said, ‘Wow! So is this kind of thing possible? Church Gist. Are you sure this kind of thing happens and it happens all the time? And then all of them unanimously said, ‘We are unable to post one-tenth, we can’t post 1/100 (One over one hundred) of the level of interactions because some minds will run mad. There is far more, this is a shadow of our interaction. I saw my picture with one of my children the other day, in fact Destiny recorded it and said, ‘Daddy, can I post’? And I said, ‘No! This one is a bit homely! (Laughing). It makes life easy for you.
8. Be a reflection of the love of God in your marriage
Whether you are the man or woman, be the reflection.
10. Be a forgiver
Marry someone you are ready to forgive. Be a forgiver! Don’t keep holding on to past errors and mistakes and there is something I’m going to tell you now and you must take your life to it. Whether you like or not, there are things about your wife, not necessarily sinful but things that are a part of her. That is who she is. Church Gist. Things about your husband that no matter what you do, that is who she is. It’s not a problem. A problem is what you solve, a fact is what you accept. I will like you to understand that because there are people who are trying to change their wives. Except you want to kill her. Church Gist. It’s like removing the skin of a Zebra in order to remove the lines. So, try to understand your wife, understand your husband, understand those things that are facts.
Oral Roberts wife said if Oral Roberts wakes up in the morning, if you greet him, he will not answer. Do whatever you want, he won’t answer until he has eaten breakfast. Church Gist. That is on the days he’s not fasting. That is, as spiritual as he was, a giant of Faith. It may not be because he’s a glutton, it may be a personal life ritual wired into him. The way you may relate with people differ from the way your wife may relate with people. So, you should accept the fact. I grew up in a large home, in my home, up to 15 people can be eating from one plate. Boys room, boys can be 15 in the room. Church Gist. My wife grew in a university professor’s house with her two siblings at first and then the other four that came up later. That’s her. So, our approach in terms of people and crowd. She will smile very well for you but if you crowd her, she’s overwhelmed. If you crowd, I’m in my elements. These are facts, these are deposits. Church Gist. I can’t change her to be me and she can’t change me to be her. Most of how we behave is a product of our pasts, our histories, our upbringings and everything. It’s a compendium that makes us who we are.
In my Father’s palace, people are there all the time. I play the flute, I grew up listening to the flute. There’s a palace flute player, salaried. Permanently on duty. Church Gist. There are two of them, they do rotation. Permanently, you wake up hearing the flute.
– somebody say Amen.
If there’s anybody you’re not able to forgive, don’t marry them. Church Gist. Be a forgiver, understand who you have married, understand certain things about them that are facts and not changeable no matter how you try.
10. Don’t discuss your issues with people except for counseling or spiritual help where necessary. Church Gist.This is not to say, “die in silence”, God forbid. Now, let me make it even more serious. Woman, don’t discuss, except for spiritual counseling or prayer, don’t make your confidant about your husband’s matter, you and your husband’s problem, don’t make the confidant to be a man. “My husband is doing this to me. My husband can’t do this, doesn’t do this” and the person you’re talking to is a man. Except you’re looking for alternative husband. Man, don’t ever discuss your wife with a woman. “My wife does not cook for me anymore. I don’t know how I married this kind of wife. She doesn’t respect my people. She doesn’t respect my family. Talks to me anyhow”. Church Gist. You’re talking to a woman and she’s looking at your face, say, “🎵Here am I, use me. What am I doing that you would be suffering like this. Just give me one little trial and you will be convinced that I’m better than your wife🎵” (laughs). That is how people package their lives into disaster. You talk to the wrong person. Never under any condition make a woman your confidant on your wife’s matter or a man, your confidant on your husband’s matter except there’s a counseling or prayer need that is genuine or serious. Church Gist. This is how homes, families and destinies are ruined, because somebody spoke to the wrong person. Before you know it, this confidant that is so good starts cooking for you, “hello, have you eaten today?” “The useless woman has not cooked yet”. “Ah ah. For how long would you suffer like this? What should I buy for you? Can you send somebody to pick food from somewhere? I’m just going out now to get something for you”. “Thank you so much”. Church Gist. Not knowing that you’re digging the grave of your destiny.
– that will not be your portion!
11. Be committed to the fulfillment of your spouse in all things. Spiritually, fulfillment; financially, fulfillment. I used to tell my wife and I said, “if you have any challenge, just let me know. What are husbands for other than to handles wives’ challenges”. I’m passing where they’re doing her hair, I would say, “do you need my attention to do at least one strand?” Real life. For days, she said that she wasn’t well somewhere and I said, “and you didn’t tell me? Why? How?” I screamed on that devil and she said, “I’m good. I’m excited”. Church Gist. I said, “you’re the one who did yourself. You should have told me since”. May God forbid for us to tell you what is not real. This carries away pressure from your life. If your family is not happy, your destiny will not happen. You can bet your life on it! One of my children called me the other day around 2am in the night. Church Gist. “Any challenge?” “No, I just called to find out how you are doing and also to let you know I’m great.” 2am – expecting me to be awake and answer the call.
12. Take the time to ask and listen to the concerns of your spouse: is there something bothering her/him you’re not aware? Church Gist. You know there are so many people dancing in Church and just moving up and down with issues on their mind.
About 4 weeks ago, I asked my wife and said, “Can you tell me since you knew me all the things that I have been doing that I have been consistent in?” Church Gist. We were in Canaanland when I told her. “Is there anything you will like me to do differently? Don’t ever let any concern you and you don’t let me know.”
A man had a wife with an undiagnosed condition and he didn’t know until it was too late. That will never be your portion. There are some people who committed suicide because they can’t talk to anybody even the husband or wife. Church Gist. What the man sees later is a suicide note. It will never be your portion!
People will talk to you depending on how your face looks. By the time you tell your wife, “this is what I’m passing through” and she begins to quarrel you, that’s the end. The man will never talk again. Just like we told you, men don’t like to talk. Have you ever asked a husband and wife about a meeting? Church Gist. “How was the service?” The man will say, “very powerful, I learnt so many things.” The wife will say, “hmm what we heard today! First of all let me start with the dressing of the woman of God. She was wearing a gown that is sowed like she’s royal and with her hat like that. She even mentioned about plaiting of hair…” and in the multitude of words there wanted not sin. Just be somebody that people can talk to no matter the condition. It will be well with you!
– the negative testimony of marital failure in our generation we will never hear it near you.
– your children will never be liabilities on you!
– for beloved young men and young women, my God will deliver you from entering the wrong marriage!
– every deceiver that is looking for you, that the devil is sending your way to deceive you and destroy your destiny, I declare they are arrested!
– any daughter or son of God that is up to the age of marriage, between now and August Convention, God will settle you!
– every one who is trusting God for the fruit of the womb, I declare it released!
– every one who is struggling in marriage, divine intervention!
Any marriage that is abusive – demonically, satanically abusive, the Bible says, there is no husband or wife in Heaven. We are like the angels. Marriage ends on Earth. I have always said from Area one, from the scratch of this ministry, that it is better to be alive without a marriage than to die because of marriage. Church Gist. Don’t be wasted! Especially women, they will calculate in their head, “so I’m single again? So people will say I am not married again?” All manner! I am not advocating divorce but instead of dying, it’s better to be without a marriage. Your life is at risk.
Today God just showed me something: there are people that even God Himself can’t help. Church Gist. When you’re in such situation where it appears like even God can’t help a man, who are you to be able to? I ask you 3 questions:
– Adam and Eve, everyday God visited them. He spoke with them. Under the nose of God, they fell. That is to me a person that God himself couldn’t help. Church Gist. Eat all these things but please don’t eat this one. Anything you want, tell me I will supply – no way! “Let’s go and try what you said we shouldn’t eat.” Adam was one who God couldn’t help.
2. Lucifer: he was in charge of all the Angels. One third of the angels were under his command. There was nothing Lucifer needed he wouldn’t have had. Church Gist. Under the nose of God, Lucifer became satan. The God who helps everybody to become better, under his nose somebody became a devil.
3. Judas Iscariot: take the money bag, hold it. Stealing out of it, everybody came to report to Jesus. “This boy is a thief; he has spent all the money.” “Leave him; he won’t finish the money for as long as he is with me, he must change.” He didn’t sack him nor release him. Until Jesus knew what Judas was about to do, he gave him the opportunity. Church Gist. See what he did: he said, one among you will sell me. All of them said it is impossible including Judas. You know what Jesus said, the person I am about to dip this bread inside this tea, the person that I will give it to, who will receive it from my hand is the person that will sell me. That was an opportunity to say, to hell with the devil. Even if satan is on your head, at that time satan has not entered him yet. That is the disaster. Church Gist. Matthew 24:25. The Bible said, “and satan entered Judas after the sop.” That is a person that God could not help.
I call it the mystery of the human will. How a will of a man can be in conflict with the will of God when God has given you the opportunity to act otherwise. There are husbands and wives like that. Church Gist. That even God himself can’t help them. Somebody told somebody he said, “I know I am going to hell. I am only looking for how I can take many people with me.”
– it will never be your portion!
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