IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND WITH A MICRO MENTALITY, NO MATTER HOW BIG YOUR MINDSET WAS BEFORE YOU MET THEM, VERY SOON, THE SIZE OF YOUR MIND WOULD DROP
THE FRIEND OF A THIEF IS EITHER A THIEF OR WOULD SOON BECOME A THIEF OR DOES NOT MIND THIEVERY
THE CHOICES AND DECISIONS YOU MAKE ARE INFLUENCED BY THE PEOPLE WHO SURROUND YOUR LIFE
HOW YOU END IN LIFE IS AFFECTED BY WHO YOU CALL ‘FRIEND’
YOUR FRIENDSHIP OR COMPANY AFFECTS YOUR ETERNAL DESTINY
ANYONE WHO IS NOT GOING YOUR DIRECTION IS NOT QUALIFIED FOR YOUR ASSOCIATION.
A FRIEND IS ONE THAT YOU LOVE LITERALLY AS YOUR OWN SOUL.
YOUR FRIEND IS THAT PERSON WHO CARRIES YOUR BURDEN AS HIS BURDEN.
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF FRIENDSHIP.
YOUR FRIENDS ARE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE QUICK TO ARRIVE AND SURROUND YOU IN SEASONS OF ADVERSITY.
YOUR FRIENDS WORK WITH YOU TO DEFEAT YOUR ENEMY, THEY DON’T WORK WITH YOUR ENEMY TO DEFEAT YOU.
YOUNG MEN, ATIMES IT IS VERY GOOD TO MARRY ON TIME BEFORE YOU BECOME VERY RICH
YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW WHO YOUR FRIEND IS UNTIL SEASON CHANGES
I DIDN’T HAVE ANY PROPERTY OF MINE WHEN I GOT MARRIED TO MY WIFE
A REAL FRIEND WILL NOT PICK UP QUARRELS WITH YOU ALL THE TIME
A FRIEND IS ONE WHO MAY HURT YOU TO SAVE OR DELIVER YOU BUT YOUR ENEMY WOULD HAIL YOU TO RUIN YOU
A FRIEND IS ONE WHO IS COMMITTED TO THE SHARPENING OF YOUR LIFE’S GIFTS AND POTENTIALS
LOVE IS A COMMAND BUT RELATIONSHIP IS A CHOICE.
WHEN PEOPLE FORCE THEMSELVES TO MARRY, THE REGRET COMMENCES FROM DAY ONE.
A FRIEND IS ONE WHO MULTIPLIES YOUR JOY AND DIMINISHES YOUR SORROW.
A FRIEND IS ONE WHO DEFENDS YOUR INTEREST AND CONCERNS AT ALL SEASONS.
THE FRIEND OF YOUR ENEMY IS AN INDIRECT ENEMY.
– Dr. Pastor Paul Enenche on “KNOW YOUR FRIEND” || Power Communion (Midweek) Service || Glory Dome, Abuja.
I will like to welcome everyone here tonight in the precious name of Jesus. Church Gist. I want to appreciate the fact that we all dared the rain to be here tonight.
– our lives would never remain the same in Jesus’ precious name.
Tonight, we are going to continue our study on the knowledge series – Know your God; The blessing of Knowing your God; Knowing yourself, Knowing your work; knowing your Spiritual family (your company and covering). Church Gist. Tonight we shall shift to “KNOW YOUR FRIENDS”. Proverbs 18:24. The Lord bless His Word in Jesus’ name.
This evening, we have about 5 or 6-fold objectives, I suspect that we won’t be able to finish this particular one today but we would start.
1. understanding the necessity of knowing your friends.
2. understanding who true friends are
3. Understanding key thoughts about friendship.
4. Understanding counterfeit friends, evil friends, friendly enemies.
5. Understanding the workmanship of friendship – what to do, how friendship is serviced.
6. Understanding what to do with enemies. “How do I handle enemies and counterfeit friends?”.
So, we shall start with number one. By way of introduction, it’s important to note that the subject of friendship or company is very important to life and destiny for many reasons. Church Gist. That is taking us to the necessity of friendship – why we need to know about friendship.
1. Your friendship or company affects the direction of your life. Proverbs 13:20.
2. Your friendship or company affects your mindset or thought process. Your reasoning, how you think and your mindset is affected. If you have a friend who has a micro mentality, no matter how big your mindset was before you met them, very soon, the size of your mind would drop. Church Gist. In Numbers 13:33 and Numbers 14:1-4, you saw how the mindset of the whole of Israel was affected because of the spies that brought evil report. I’ve seen people who thought possibility before until they got involved with people that thought them how to think small, little, meagre and micro.
3. Your friendship or company affects your character because association brings assimilation. The friend of a thief is either a thief or would soon become a thief or does not mind thievery. 1 Corinthians 15:33. Church Gist. Bad relationship would corrupt good character. That is why it is important to be careful who your friends are. A person who was not smoking before began to smoke in secondary school, who was not a drunkard before became a drunkard, who was not chasing women before began to chase because he’s linked with a friend who has such character. Church Gist. A woman who was submissive to her husband before became very rebellious because she got into a friendship that imparted rebelliousness into her lifestyle.
Many years ago, a woman was having problem with her husband and she went and told her so called friend about the problem she was having and she said, “I want to pack out, I’m tired” and the friend said, “do you have transport money? Can I assist you?” That was the best counsel she had for her. Why? Church Gist. Because she was a divorcee herself, so, she was trying to assist somebody to carry out divorce. Your friendship or company affects your character, that’s why it’s important to know your friends.
4. Your friendship or company affects your choices. 1 Corinthians 15:33. The choices and decisions you make are influenced by the people who surround your life. Church Gist. For example, there are people today who failed to marry who they were meant to marry because a friend didn’t like the man or the woman. On the other hand, you would see the story there.
5. your friends determine the steps you take, either if you’re going to take a positive step or a disastrous; a profitable step or destructive step, it would be determined by who you call ‘friend’. Church Gist. That’s why it’s important to know your friends.
6. Your friendship or company affects your outcome in life. How you end in life is affected by who you call ‘friend’ and who surrounds you. Church Gist. We saw how Samson ended disastrously in Judges 16:20-end, he ended disastrously, catastrophically and in calamity because there was a woman in his life called Delilah that dealt with his life until he ended in disaster. Your outcome in life is determined by who you call ‘friend’ and if your outcome in life is determined by your friendship, then number 7 follows;
7. Your friendship or company affects your eternal destiny. When you smoke when you’re not meant to smoke or drink when you’re not meant to drink or do one thing or the other that you’re not meant to do, then such a friend can usher you to an eternal hell fire. Church Gist. Because the road you follow determines the place you end. That is why it is important to know your friends.
Question we are going to ask and then answer is, “Who then is a friend? Who is my friend?”
1. A friend is a companion who is at home in your company. Genesis 38:12. There are those who are tensed up in your company and not fully at home in your company. Church Gist. They may be acquaintances but they can’t be called friends.
2. A friend is one who goes with you on important life’s journey. Maybe it is time to go get married or attend to something very important in your life. Genesis 38:12. Your friend is that one who is on the journey of life with you. Church Gist. That is why we say, “Anyone who is not going your direction is not qualified for your association”.
3. A friend is one who can be entrusted with confidential assignments of your life. There are things you need somebody that is trustworthy to do, confidential assignments of your life. “Help me go get my C of O from somewhere” and you know that this is not the guy who would sell your C of O or tell you that it’s missing. Genesis 38:20. Church Gist. Your friend is one who can run errands that no one else can run for you. As I go on, you would understand that one of the most trustworthy friends you can ever have is your life partner – your wife or your husband – that is what it should be. John 18:26
4. A friend is one with whom you can speak closely, comfortably, intimately and harmoniously. You can speak with him closely, you can speak with him comfortably, you can speak with him intimately, you can speak with him harmoniously. Church Gist. That was what God did with Moses in Exodus 33:11. Somebody you can speak to intimately, face to face means they are just there, intimately. You can speak with him comfortably, you can speak with him harmoniously. That is a friend.
5. Friend is one with whom you speak sincerely, openly and frankly without pretense and deception.
You speak openly, you speak frankly, you speak sincerely. Church Gist. The Exodus 33:11 we just read, that was how God spoke with Moses face to face openly, nothing covered, no pretense, no deception, openly, sincerely, frankly. That is a friend.
6. A friend is someone who is as your own soul to you.
You literally treat him like you would treat yourself, he is the man that is as your own soul Deuteronomy 13:6. In 1 Samuel 18:3, we saw the friendship between David and Jonathan. I had a friend in the University, I have mentioned it over and over again he was like this to me, we wore the same suit, we wore the same shoes, we wore the same shirt, literally wore the same tie, there was no money that belonged to anybody, every money was in the pocket, in the wardrobe, whatever you need you came and took, my wife knows who I am talking about. Church Gist. Whenever we met each other on the campus, we just left the room in the morning, we met each other on the campus in the daytime like twelve, we would just run and hug each other like we are seeing for the first time or we haven’t seen for many years. That was what convinced me that if I could live with a man like this, without a quarrel one day, no argument on any issue, then there is no devil that will say, ‘I can’t live with my wife’! This one is not my wife, this is a man, this is my wife. No devil can say, I can’t live with my wife for as many years as God grants us without any crises. Am I communicating?
As I’m talking now, many people are asking, ‘Is that possible’? Because we live in a world of contention, a world of competition, a world of bitterness and jealousy. Today, very rare for you to find a man you love as your own. A world that is so filled with selfishness, but I can tell you, it exists where you love this person as your own soul. Church Gist. And I believe that this is what I said that the relationship between a man and his wife is the highest level of friendship. ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one, they are no longer two’. A friend is one that you love literally as your own soul.
7. A friend is one who is quick to arrive and surround you in seasons of challenge or adversity Job 2:11-12.
This was how they (Job and his friends) began but along the line, I don’t know what entered into them and they started talking anyhow but this was how the friends of Job began with Job. Church Gist. They are quick to arrive and quick to surround you in seasons of adversity 2 Samuel 15:37. In Acts 14:20, when Paul the Apostle left for Derbe, the friends stood round about him and he rose up and he came into the city and the next day he departed unto Derbe. Your friends are the people that are quick to arrive and surround you in seasons of challenge or adversity.
8. A friend is one who cooperates with you to frustrate the agenda of the enemy and his agents against your life.
A friend is someone who cooperates with you. When the devil and his people have a plan against your life, your friend works with you, they cooperate with you to rise to the occasion to deal with the devil. That was what David’s friend did in 2 Samuel 15:32-34. In those days, Ahitophel gave counsels and when he gave counsels it was as if a man consulted an oracle and Ahitophel had gone to stand with Absalom against David and David knew if Ahitophel gave Absalom any counsel against him, it was going to catch like gum. Church Gist. He said, ‘Please, I need you to be there, help me defeat Ahitophel’s counsel and defeat this evil agenda’. That is what friends are for, your friend works with you to defeat your enemy, they don’t work with your enemy to defeat you. There are those who cooperate with the enemy and conspire with the enemy to confront your destiny, I will talk about that later. But this is the opposite, they work with you to resist the enemy.
-May God give you such friends in the Name of Jesus Christ.
9. A friend is one who makes your burden their burden, your concern their concern, your pain is their pain and that will make them to fast and pray for you Psalms 35:13-14, Job 42:10.
So your friend is that person who carries your burden as his burden, carries your concern as his concern, carries your pain as his pain, they will fast, they will pray for you as a result. I don’t have the time today to tell you the story of my wedding, maybe the day before the wedding, I was overwhelmed with so many things. Church Gist. It was as if the enemy planned for everything to fail, that is, not to work out as expected. Arrangement for this was not working. I was physically exhausted, my friends stood round about me, placed their hands on me and said, ‘Oh! It is alright, it is okay, everything will go well’! They just surrounded you! They take your burden as their burden. That takes your concern as their concern. You know the devil fights what he fears, he knows what was coming out of that marriage. Am I communicating at all? And if the devil is fighting you today, congratulations because something big is coming out of your life.
10. A friend is one who is trusted
You have confidence in his reliability and faithfulness. It is one who is trusted, you have confidence in his reliability and faithfulness Psalms 41:9. Church Gist. Proverbs 6:1, your friend is one that can vouch for you, that can stand as a referee or guarantor, he trusts you enough to guarantee your faithfulness, your reliability. He trusts you enough, that is a friend. As I’m talking now, some people are wondering, ‘Are there this kind of people’? Yes!
11. A friend is one who loves you at all times through all the seasons of your life Proverbs 17:17. That is why you must marry someone you love and you must marry someone you are friendly with. Church Gist. If God gives you a friend to marry, thank Him because you were already flowing before the marriage. You don’t suddenly become enemies after. A friend loveth at all times. Listen to this; Someone said, ‘In prosperity, your friends know you but it is in adversity that you know your friends’. When you are rich, everybody is friendly with you. Church Gist. Proverbs 14:20. The rich has many friends, many of them are fake. You don’t really know who your friend is until season changes.
There was a time in which cabinet in this country was changed close to Christmas, before the Christmas season of that year, they changed ministers and everything. One of the ministers confided in somebody, he said, “can you see life? By this time last year, I can’t count the number of Christmas cards, hampers and all of that that I got, this year now, see me alone”. Church Gist. Christmas cards and hampers have disappeared, all those saying, “your excellency” all evaporated. There are those who would be saying, “it’s good for you. We are all the same now”. Don’t be deceived by those who hang around you because of your result. That is why, young men, atimes it is very good to marry on time before you become very rich. Church Gist. Because by the time you become very successful, you won’t be able to know who is coming because of your money. In fact, there would be many recommended wives. Someone was telling me how she was recommended for somebody to marry, somebody big, the issue now is there are people who are spoiling her in front of that person. Church Gist. I said, “wow. Is that how marriage happens?”
– somebody say Amen.
– may God show you real friends! May God show you true and qualitative friends!
When I married, the only thing I had was anything that I had in my bag because we lived in Doctor’s quarters. Church Gist. The bed was for the hospital, everything, the only thing I went in with there was my bag. No car, nothing, and somebody said, “I will marry you” and agree to marry you. Not because she saw plenty money but she saw potentials and sees the future and the fire. There are those who would see you at that time and they won’t even look at you at all but now, they are envious, not knowing where the journey started from. Church Gist. “Who is this one always wearing the same dress with husband?” They don’t know where it started from.
– may God give you people who genuinely love you, who genuinely believe in you without any strings attached.
– lift your right hand, say, “Father, I receive the grace to identify real friends in my life!”
12. A friend is one who is friendly with you, not hostile to you. Proverbs 18:24. A real friend is not that person that is picking up quarrels with you all the time. Church Gist. There are those you call yourselves friends but you’re quarreling on a daily basis, you’re just wasting each other’s time.
13. A friend is one who may hurt you to save or deliver you but your enemy would hail you to ruin you. He’s praising you in disaster. Proverbs 27:6. Church Gist. It is out of his faithfulness and commitment to you, to ensure that you’re not lost that he’s behaving as if he’s wounding you. “But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” like the kiss of Judas. Church Gist. They are claiming that they love you and all of that but they are deceiving you to ruin you.
– God will save you from such people.
14. A friend is one who is committed to giving you hearty counsels. The outcome of it is rejoicing and refreshing. Proverbs 27:9. Church Gist. One man was trying to go very far from town in building a permanent site of Church like Canaanland and so on and so forth and I sat him down and I said, “the Bible said, if you want to build a house, count the cost”. I spoke with him from the heart, “so that you don’t feel frustrated, this and this and that must be in place before you decide to make such a move”. Church Gist. I sat the man down, I told him my experience. He said, “wow. Thank you for talking to me like this. I never saw anything like this, I now know what to go and do”. Heart counsel.
You know there are those kind of deceitful children in secondary school, when their friends ask them, “please, what’s the formula of so so and so, do you know the answer?” They would just go round the corner so that they can pass and the person can fail.
– may God give you genuine friends!
My mother used to say, “a real parent should not be afraid of the face of their child”. That is, the child does not grow to a point where you’re afraid of their face to tell them what they need to know. Church Gist. So, she would tell you what you need to know, raw. “I gave birth to you, I can’t be afraid of your face”. She said there are many parents today who are afraid of the faces of their children, they can’t tell them anything. Church Gist. That’s how real friendship is, you love your friend, your wife and your children enough to say, “hey, sit down here! You can’t wear this kind of dress in this house. We don’t operate like this here”. That’s a friend.
15. A friend is one who is committed to the sharpening of your life’s gifts and potentials. Church Gist. He sees a gift in you, he sees a grace in you, he wants to sharpen it. He assists to move your gift and potentials to another level. Proverbs 27:17. Your friend helps you to shine, be outstanding and helps your gift to shine. He sees a book that would help you, he gives you to read. Church Gist. When we started our journey of marriage before we became Pastors, everytime I read a book, I gave my wife. I wanted us to be at par in our mentality. I don’t want to be thinking up and she’s thinking down. I don’t want to unequally yoked. I don’t want to be a horse dragging a goat. Church Gist. I’m sorry to use that word but that’s the meaning of unequal yoking. This one has higher capacity than this and they’re trying to move together. A man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
The other day, I sent my daughter some musical things to work on herself in other areas of her musical and vocal things. I’m not so much of a professional, but I have a little knowledge there. Church Gist. You want to pull out the best out of somebody. You want somebody to move to a higher dimension. The other day, she said, “the way you receive and write songs is effortless. I’m trying but I want God to help me”. I said, “okay, come and sit down with me” and then she sat down and (I started singing in tongues) and in less than 5 minutes on the spot, we got a song and got the wordings. Church Gist. She said, “I am shivering, goosebumps. Is it so easy?” There are star musicians who boast about how they were able to write one song in one week and you’re talking of under 5 minutes. She said, “thank you for sharing it with me”. I said, “no! I can’t hoard it from you. I shouldn’t”.
– may God grant you people around your life that God will use to sharpen your destiny, gifts and graces in your life!
– lift up your right hand and say, “Father, I receive the grace to have in my life, quality people that would bring out my potentials in the name of Jesus!”
16. A friend is one in whose company you’re free to celebrate. Free to eat and drink. You’re not tensed up, you’re free to celebrate. Matthew 11:19. Church Gist. You know, there are places you go and you cannot eat. No matter how hungry you are, you won’t desire food there because you know that you’re in the company of your friends. You know anything can happen there. Church Gist. God is protecting you but you’re not going to eat there.
17. A friend is one who is truly excited at your progress and success in life John 3:29
Love is a command but relationship is a choice. The person who is marrying is this groom, he is the one who has the wife but the best man is standing by and celebrating and rejoicing at the success and the progress of his friend who has found a wife. That’s what friendship is all about. Church Gist. Other people antagonize your success, infact, they want to engage you in competition because you are progressing but the real friend, the real deal is excited that you got your promotion, is excited that you are succeeding, is excited that you are going forward.
18. A friend is one who defends your interest and concerns at all seasons whether you are there or not John 19:12.
19. A friend is someone who does not work in concert with your enemies to undermine your life, your destiny or your authority.
There are people who work with your enemies to show you that you are nothing, your friend doesn’t do that. That was what they were telling Pilate where we read in John 19:12. In James 4:4, the world is the enemy of God and you say that you are the friend of God and you are also the friend of the world. He said, ‘No! It can’t work’! This is the truth, the friend of your enemy is an indirect enemy. Did you hear what I just said? That person who wants to kill you and he will not be able and somebody says, he loves you and he’s the friend of the one who hates you publicly and wants to kill you. Church Gist. That friend of your enemy is an indirect enemy, don’t be deceived. I mean, there is no excuse, he is an indirect enemy. The guy hates you, if the guy sees where your life wire is, he will turn it off, if he knows the switch of your life, he will off it. And this guy says, ‘I love you so much’, but you see him always there. I’m not talking about transfer of enmity here, I’m talking of that which is clear to all. Friendship with the world is enmity with the world because the world is the enemy of God and if you claim to be the friend of God and you are the friend of the world at the same time then you have agreed to be the enemy of God. Hallelujah!
20. A friend is one who cares enough to attempt to save your life when they think you are going overboard.
They think you are acting without caution, there are friends who will come and remove the car key from your car when they think you are about to start driving and you are tired. Church Gist. Maybe you finish a night vigil and you enter the car to drive, that person will come and remove the car key. They care enough in an attempt to save your life Mark 3:20-21.
21. A friend is one who multiplied your joy and diminishes your sorrow
They share your joy and shrink your sorrow Luke 15:6-9. Church Gist. Also when it is time and you are challenged, they are also there for you. That is what friends are.
22. A friend is someone who shares your interest, conviction and character.
There is something that interests you that interests your friend. There is something that you believe in that your real friend believes in. That is why drunkards hang together, they don’t advertise themselves to each other. Prostitutes stand on the road together, thieves easily locate themselves. Church Gist. Did you hear what the young man said the other day that they approached him and said there is job or is it contract, that they are going to hit somewhere tonight? That is why anybody who is not sharing in your character is the wrong person for you. Luke 23:12, what made them (Herod and Pilate) friends? The unity of interest, the unity of character – Both of them are interested in crucifying Jesus, both of them are interested in murdering an innocent person, that unification characterized them.
Key thoughts on friendship
1. Love is a command but relationship is a choice. We are commanded to love everybody but we are not commanded to be the friend of everybody.
2. Be liberal in love but be selective
in friendship
That is love, liberally be selective in friendship.
3. Friendship must be allowed to happen, not forced to happen.
Let it happen naturally, not forced to happen. When people force themselves to marry themselves, the regret commences from day one. Church Gist. My wife once attended a wedding whose marriage lasted for seven days. At the end of the seven days, marriage was over, till tomorrow. Don’t force yourself on anybody and don’t let anybody force themselves on you. It must be allowed to happen, not forced to happen to avoid regrets.
4. No relationship leaves you neutral
It’s either adding something or taking something from you. Listen to this and don’t forget it for as long as you live. You make friends, then friends make you. You first make your friends then your friends make you. Do you know the meaning of that? First of all, you decide who your friend should be and at the end, your friendship begins to decide who you will become. That is why you must make friends with people with similarity of character.
5. Be bold enough to make a U-turn when you discover that you are in a wrong association that is based in the wrong direction. Ah! This friendship is not leading me anywhere. ‘This so-called girl that I call my friend has spoilt husband relationship for me twice, this man that I call my friend has lied against me thrice’.
————PRAISES——-
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