Pastor Samson Michael at Salvation Ministries, Home of Success on the topic “Word and Family” Part 4.
The family is a group of people related by blood or marriage. It comprises of father, mother,bchildren and sometimes close relatives and helps.
Marriage is a divine institution created by God in which two completely different people (as in a male and feamle) have chosen to enter into a covenant relationship to make a lifetime commitment to God and to one another to stay with their imperfect spouse and love one another and love unconditionally.
Papa said that it takes two imperfect people to build a perfect home.
Marriage and family is an institution and like we all know, every institution has constitution as prescribed by the founder (God).
Marriage is not cultural, not traditional, not western religion, marriage was founded by God and ordained by God. It is scriptural.
If you want to find out how marriage should become successful, you have to go back to God. God’s Word is the manual to run the family. On the manual, they say read before operating.
The reason why some people are experiencing frustration in marriage while others are celebrating is not because marriage is evil or that something is wrong with your partner but because you are not reading the Word of God which is your manual.
You are trying to operate a product without reading the manual.
That marriage you are complaining about, there is a manual that if you are operating, you will now see the good side of your husband/wife.
Joshua 1:8.
Psalm 119:65.
When you spend time with the Word, it takes away offences.
HOW DO YOU BUILD A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY THROUGH THE WORD OF GOD?
- Your expectation must align with God’s Word.
One of the reasons families keep having problems is entering marriage with unrealistic expectations.
Your expectation must align with God’s Word.
Every peaceful, sucessful and loving home was based on principles from the Word of God.
I once read somewhere from a material that there are unspoken rules and unconscious rules:
For example if a man comes from a family were his mother was the bread winner, that man will tilt towards the character of his father and when he gets married, that man will be expecting his wife to also provide.
Someone came for counselling and said, “Pastor tell me, tell my wife, in a family, who is supposed to provide? Say it let her hear.”
I said “I don’t get your question”
He said in his family for example, his mother is the one that use to provide.
I told him “That is were you are getting it wrong. You learnt the wrong thing from your family. I told him, according to the Bible, you are the one to provide”.
So unconsciously, if your mind is not renewed as a child of God, you will find yourself doing what your parents use to do when you are married.
Something happened some years back, in-laws came with some children and I had gone for evangelism, by the time I came back, I saw them in the sitting room eating akara (bean cake) and akamu. I was so upset.
I called my wife to the room and said “What have I done to deserve this insult?” She said aah, “What did I do now?”
I said “Tell me what I have done to deserve this insult. In-laws came and you gave them akara and akamu to embarrass me or what?”.
She said, “That is what they requested for” and I said “Not in this house, if they want to eat it, so they go to their house and eat it, not in my house”. I was very angry.
Some days later when we were now discussing the matter, I now explained the reason why I was very angry.
Some years back when poverty visited my parents, I was the one they used to send to buy akara and akamu every morning. It became our daily bread. So, from then, I hated it with passion.
I know akamu is more nutritious than custard but I prefer to take custard because it is well packaged.
Most of us, we are like that, something that happened in your past, there are certain decisions you have taken without mentioning it to your partner and it is already causing problems and whenever the person goes against it, the person has committed a crime unknowingly.
WHAT ARE WE TO EXPECT WHEN WE ARE IN MARRIAGE?
- Marriage is a good thing. Marriage is not a bad thing. Genesis 2:24.
- It takes two to make a home.
Some people just married and in less than two years they want to divorce. That’s not wisdom. That beginning time is when you have to know yourselves and adjust.
- Until you leave your father and mother, you cannot cleave.
Marriage is for men and women. You have to gain parental independence. You follow God’s Word. Your father will not be the one to tell you how to live your home.
Be independent of your parent’s influence. Genesis 2:24. You must leave before you can effectively cleave.
Go and make your marriage work with the Word of God.
- Marriage is for help and not for hurt. Genesis 2:18.
- Marriage is to bless you and not to reduce you. Proverbs 18:22.
Marry in the Lord, there are lots of benefits if you marry in the Lord.
- Marriage is an unbreakable covenant. Psalms 89:34. Look well before you enter because once you enter, you have entered.
- Give God’s Word first place in your marriage and family. Matthew 7:24-27.
To enjoy peace, stability and progress as a family then you must engage the Word of God.
Don’t wait for your partner to change first. Love your partner and they will change.
When you put God’s Word to work, God will intervene in that relationship.
1st corinthians 7:4.
When you obey the Word of God and your partner doesn’t, you have to go back to God. That’s why you shouldn’t marry the way unbelievers marry.
- Accept responsibility. Every member of the family must accept responsibility. Ephesians 5:21-23.
The husband, you are the leader, lead your family. You are the provider, provide for your family. 1st Timothy 5:8.
You are the house coach, don’t leave training to the woman alone.
Get materials, study about your children. When your children are growing, their character is different from when they are children. You can’t talk to a teenager the way you talk to a child.
If your children don’t confide in you then you have lost it. They are supposed to learn from you, you are supposed to guide them.
Titus 2:4. Mothers and daughters are helpers, they are also managers. The mother is also a coach, you are the one spending more time with them so you have to talk to them.
The responsibility of children is to respect and obey your parents. Don’t talk back at them, whether they are wrong or right. If they had decided to abort you, you wouldn’t be here talking.
WISDOM FOR SINGLES
- The best time to prepare for marriage is now.
- Don’t marry a man that does not regard your pastor. Ask me why?
Because God will not come down to talk, if there is a challenge, it is the pastor that will intervene. - Any man or woman that nobody can advise when they are angry, don’t marry because a time will come, they will be angry with you and if nobody can talk to them, then, ‘story don gbaje (spoil)’ .
- You should have to people that when they talk to you, you turn (obey).
Psalm 121: 7a, Zechariah 9:11.
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