MARRY SOMEONE WHO TRULY LOVES AND VALUES YOU AS A PERSON, NOT SOMEONE WHO IS IN LOVE WITH SOMETHING YOU HAVE.
GOD KNOWS THE CONTENT OF EVERY HUMAN BEING BEYOND THE CONTAINER.
INSIDE SOME LAMB-LOOKING PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS LIONS. TRUST THE LORD TO GUIDE YOU INTO THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP.
NEVER MARRY ANYBODY WHO IS TRYING TO MARRY YOUR MONEY, PROPERTY OR POSSESSION.
TRUST IS THE STRENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP; WHEN TRUST IS DEAD, RELATIONSHIP IS GONE.
MARRIAGE IS SO IMPORTANT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IS LIKENED TO THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE MAN AND HIS WIFE.
-Pastor Paul Enenche on ‘DIMENSIONS OF WISDOM’
First Service, Dunamis International Gospel Centre.
Lift up your hands and let us appreciate Him; the King of kings and the Lord of lords. Father, we give You the praise, we give You the honour, we give You the adoration. We ask Lord that You be honoured. How merciful You are, how faithful You are. What a privilege to be called Your own; thank You Master, in Jesus precious name.
Let’s appreciate Him for the very highly impactful National Healing and Deliverance Crusade. In the realm of the spirit, so much has happened. We shall be hearing of them as the days progress and the weeks. Without any doubt, there is a divine intervention in our nation. Church Gist. God showed such great intervention. Someone said, he has never heard of a crusade held in the rainy month of June, that is, June is a rainy month and rain falling everyday, including the days of the crusade but it never fell during the crusade time. It will fall overnight, in the day time, but not during the crusade. The cloud will be as if it wants to cry, but it will never drop a tear during the crusade. What a faithful God we serve.
Let’s appreciate Him, for God showing such a commitment to our nation. Father, we give You the praise, we give You the honour, we give You the adoration; only You could have done the things we saw, drastic prophetic decrees, drastic apostolic decrees, drastic intercessions. We worship You, we honour You and we adore You, be glorified, be honoured in Jesus’ name.
🎶To God be the glory, great things He had done,
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin
And opened the life gate, that all may go in.
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
Let the earth hear His voice
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
Let the people rejoice
Oh come to the Father, through Jesus the Son
And give Him the glory, great things He has done 🎶
Father, we give You the praise one more time. Thank You and thank You for all You did for our nation and thank You in anticipation of testimonies. For this service this morning, we ask for Your breath; we ask that homes and families will be healed, delivered and liberated. Blessed be Your name, in Jesus precious name.
I welcome you to “Relationship and Marital Wisdom” and this is Part One.
Our objective this morning is:
1). To identify foundational truth about marriage.
2). To understand the purpose of marriage.
3). Unraveling relationship and marital wisdom.
Genesis 2:18
I want to start by way of introduction, by saying that, marriage is such an important institution that deserves more attention than what is currently given. I have so much to say that I am wondering that, just one service will not be enough. Church Gist. Also, I will be saying things in this service that I will not be able to repeat in the next service, so I will like us to pick the package; if you are in this service, just ensure you pick the second service message.
Why is Marriage so important?
1). Marriage is literally as old as the creation of man. That is, it began literally when man began.
2). Marriage is so important that the relationship between Christ and the Church is likened to the relationship between the man and his wife (Ephesians 5:23-25). Church Gist. It is so important that, God is comparing the relationship between the man and his wife to the relationship between Christ and the Church.
3). Marriage is so important that it is found both in the first book of the Bible and the last book of the Bible. The Bible began with God bringing the woman to the husband (Genesis 2:18) and then Revelation 19:9 – the marriage supper of the Lamb.
The way people handle marriage so flimsy, in fact, people are almost literally changing wife like you change car and vice versa. It is a far cry from how God considers marriage to be important.
The Foundational Truth About Marriage:
1). God is the Originator, Initiator and Founder of marriage (Genesis 2:18).
2). Marriage was instituted for the help, assistance and succour of the marriage partners. Church Gist. Marriage was instituted so that, the parties involved can receive help, assistance and succour, one from another (Genesis 2:18).
3). God caused the deep sleep to come on the man, so He (God) can be allowed to prepare what is best for the man without interference (Genesis 2:21). Maybe the reason we have so much problem today is that, people are not allowing God to assist them locate what is best for them. Maybe the reason why we have so much problem today, is that, people are using various criteria to find husband and find wife. God caused a deep sleep to come on the man, so that He can be allowed to prepare what is best for him without interference.
Maybe if Adam was alive, he can say, “Make the head like this, make the noise like this.”
4). The woman was created from the rib taken from the chest of the man because she was created to be loved. The rib is one of the structures that covers the heart and the lungs: created from a rib that was taken from, close to the heart of the man, because she was created to be loved; not created to be slapped, harassed or to be shouted upon (Genesis 2:21-22).
If you are a man here this morning, hear me, your wife was not created to be slapped, harassed, shouted upon or bullied. Church Gist. It wasn’t the bone from the bone of the heart or the bone of the leg, so you can raise your leg and kick. It is a bone from close to the heart, that is to show you the relationship.
5). The devil is agitated about God’s plan and purpose for marriage, so he moves to antagonize the stability of the home. When God created the animals, the devil did nothing. When God created the man, the devil did nothing, but after God finished creating the woman (Genesis 2:24-25), the moment marriage happens, serpent appeared.
The devil wasn’t threatened by the man, he wasn’t threatened by the animals, but he was threatened by man and wife together. If you have this understanding, it will help. That is why when people just allow tension, they don’t know that the devil is behind, excited. Church Gist. The devil does not want the marriage to work and today, we have more of the agitations of the devil, coming against the traditional home; all manner of alternative lifestyles, gay, lesbian, this and that, the marriage between man and wife is not necessary; it is all the attack on the home. But your home shall be successful in the name of Jesus!
Fight for your home, fight for your marriage, fight for your family because the devil is agitated.
What is the Purpose of God for the Home?
1). The release of the supply of companionship and company. It is not good that a man be alone. Your wife is meant to be your company; your husband is meant to be your companion, not a tenant, not house mate – your companion (Genesis 2:18).
Is your wife your companion? Are you enjoying the company of your husband and vice versa? If that is not the case, a major purpose of the marriage is not being fulfilled.
2). It is for the achievement of fulfillment and satisfaction in life and destiny. God is saying, life will be better if there is a woman in the life of this man and if there is a man in the life of this woman (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
The husband is meant to contribute to the fulfillment and satisfaction of the wife; the wife is meant to contribute to the fulfillment and satisfaction of the husband. Church Gist. Every marital relationship where there is such a harassment, dissatisfaction, frustration; wife is not happy because of husband’s behaviour, husband is not happy; it is a marriage that is not fulfilling purpose. When I say satisfaction and fulfilment, I am talking about satisfaction and fulfilment every realm.
3). For the release and multiplication of potentials, where you bring out the best in the other person (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Two are better than one; that is, this woman became better because this man entered her life. This man became better because this woman entered his life. Church Gist. I know where I met my wife and I know where she is today in terms of giftings, graces, potentials, developments. I am only saying this because, example communicates principles. I also know where I was before she met me, she has refined me a lot and brings out the best.
The release and multiplication of potentials, that there is a gift you have that exploded; there is a grace you have that escalated, there is something inside you that grew. Any husband who is choking the graces in his wife is a mis-husband; choking the ability, the capability in the wife and vice versa. This is very important.
4). The release of the Godly seed in the earth for the population of the earth with Kingdom seed (Malachi 2:14-15). God is seeking a Godly seed. Church Gist. He wants you to produce children that transmit Kingdom principles to the next generation and you see the commitment between the husband and the wife and how they live with each other affects the turn out of their children.
Godly seeds, seeds that are God fearing, serving God; not that they are forced to serve God. They are serving God out of their own volition because they see a genuineness in their parents and their relationship. When a marriage has produced children that are not Godly seeds, then a major purpose of that marriage has not been fulfilled. When a marriage has produced children that are not God fearing, children that are not transmitting the principles of their parents to the next generation, then that marriage has not produced a major purpose of the marriage.
- That shall not be your portion in the name of Jesus Christ!
Now, let’s step into relationship and marital wisdom. What wisdom should we operate in, in order for our marriages and relationships to be successful?
1). Trust the Lord to guide you into the right relationship (Proverbs 3:5-6). You know why God must guide us?
a). God is the Originator of marriage. So, if the marriage must have a future, God should originate it. You trust Him to guide.
b). God knows the future more than you know the present. Church Gist. A person may look good today, but you don’t know what they will turn out to become tomorrow.
c). God knows the content of every human being beyond their container. That is why God must help and guide us. You know, one of the marriage committees in one of the marriage classes that some of the young people do; the marriage class that we do here, in one of those marriage classes, one of the young men was so good and well behaved, that they made him the class representative – most gentleman and well behaved in the marriage class. When he got married, it was not up to one month before he started to beat the hell out of his wife.
Inside some lamb-looking people are dangerous lions and wicked and then, you will be wondering, how? Church Gist. And this is one of the reasons why there is so much problem in our world today. Many people just looked at the surface and looked at the container; he looks nice and gentle. That’s why God must assist to guide. Trust the Lord to guide into the right relationship.
2). Marry someone who truly loves and values you as a person, not someone who is in love with something you have (Genesis 24:67). Beloveth brothers and sisters, value can be discerned. While you are in the process of trying to court yourself, if the man loves you, but particularly values you, you will know. Don’t manage this; if he doesn’t value you today, he won’t improve tomorrow. If he doesn’t value you today, it will only degenerate with time.
Truly values you and appreciates you; the one who is talking down on you today, shouting down on you in public today and every single thing, picking up a quarrel with you today, will deal with you tomorrow.
- That will never be your portion in Jesus’ name!
3). Never marry anyone who is marrying your money, property, position or influence and only God can make you to know. I remember the story of a man, who was with a girl in relationship. I don’t think they were married here and they were in a fueling station, going to get fuel and he had an attack from bad people and the man was shot. Church Gist. While he laid in the pool of his blood, this girl quote and unquote, maybe wife to be, went to the pocket of the man and picked the remaining foreign currency that was in the pocket of the man in his pool of blood, carried it and went away. That was how much love she loved the man.
Never marry anybody who is trying to marry your money, property, possession. This is also true for young ladies; that man that is coming around you because you are a working-class lady; you have a car, you have this and you have that, that man may deal with you later and I don’t want to mince words. One of the most challenging relationship types I have seen is where the woman is ahead of the man, whether academically, mentally, financially, position wise; it is very challenging because in every way, men are meant to be ahead and at times, women behave as if charm charm them. They say love is blind; “I love the man.” Church Gist. You have a PhD, the man has secondary school certificate; “I love the man.” I am not looking down on his qualification, but men are wired such that they have an ego inside them. When you get married, any single thing that happen, he will say, “Is it because you are a graduate?” And he begins to exert his authority physically. He begins to look for how to fill the vacuum and the difference by harassment and oppression, to show you he is the man. His inadequacy and deficiency, he is beginning to release them in other ways and make life unbearable for you: “Is it because you come from a rich family? Is it because you think you have a car or is it because you think you are this and you are that?” Let him try and marry someone he is in front of, that can respect him without force and fight.
I am talking to you from over almost thirty years of counseling marriages and close to about 28 years of being married. That is what I am talking from, not theory. Everything may look okay now and one of the worst things I have seen is when a man is waiting for wife to pay house rent, waiting for woman to pay children’s school fees, waiting for woman to buy food in the house. You are no longer a man then; pull your trouser and wear skirt, wear dress, wear gown. I am not out here this morning to attack anybody, but to say the truth and to ensure that we stop suffering ourselves.
Just do your best under God. I cannot ask my wife, where is your contribution to food money? I can’t. Children’s school fees, what are you bringing? I can’t; not now, before pastoring. I am not saying that if there is an agreement between a man and his wife to put their resources together, it is bad. That agreement is possible. Church Gist. But where it comes to the point where the woman is carrying the burden of the home, it is an abomination. Wife is wearing clothes; you don’t know how she bought it, wearing shoe; you don’t know how she bought it, whether she is having some strange relationships outside supplying her those things, you don’t know. She is driving car; you don’t know how she bought it.
So please, while we are in the process of getting married or getting into relationship, these things are very important. Never marry anyone who is marrying your money, property or position. Marry someone who loves you for you (Genesis 24:67). Isaac just loved Rebecca, not because she came with money or this or that. Please bear this in mind, otherwise, it is a signature for frustration. Oh boss, when it is time to marry, marry somebody you are in front of; mentally, spiritual, potential wise; for your own sake and for the sake of that person or at least, at par with the potential of going further.
You know like I said, the man schooling ego is so strong, that the woman shinning too much in front of the man can become a challenge for him. That is why he must be shinning originally.
4). Be ready to love unconditionally and forgive continually. Don’t be permanently looking for the fault of your wife or your husband, otherwise, you don’t have a marriage (Matthew 6:15). Don’t be on the lookout for their faults, try to overlook and ignore their faults. Church Gist. I have just one exception to this and the exception is when a man or a woman practically wants to kill you; beat the hell out of your life and then tomorrow he says, “I am sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” Whatever came on you, go and deliver yourself.
I am sure you know what we stand for; It is better to be alive without a marriage than to die because of marriage. That is rugged, ruthless stand; it didn’t start today, twenty something years. Somebody that carry his hand and slap you and say, “I am sorry.” The slap is a fixed deposit, can he unslap you? I am not talking in that realm, or you carry your mouth with all manner of unprintable words to your wife; “Useless woman, it is my fault to marry you. Since I marry you, bad luck. Did anybody force you? If you are tired, package her back to her family. It is so amazing how people want to live their lives, permanent pressure and tension. As they are coming home, they are already angry; they are angry with wife and children.
“Good Morning”
Response: Good Morning for what?
“You are welcome back”
Response: From where?
What kind of life is that, are you a mad man? Even mad men know their children. You should be coming home, wife is running; children are running, “Baba, oyoyo.” They are running, they are jumping. Some of my most happy time is when I am surrounded with wife and children. Church Gist. It is just relaxation time, chill out time. So, when it comes to a situation when a man is behaving or vice versa as if you are a liability in their life, both you and him should make a decision, so that it doesn’t result in disaster.
5). Be committed to the fulfilment and satisfaction of your spouse, not just in your satisfaction (Matthew 7:12). Anything you want people to do for you, do for them.
Listen to this, one of the worst destroyers of marriage is selfishness, self-centeredness; one of the young men while we were in the University, he said to me one day, “I don’t like the kind of women that is, everything is them. They want you to love them, do this for them; ‘do this for me, do that for me.’ I don’t like such women.” I said, what kind of women do you like? Church Gist. He said, the one will take care of me, who will baby me, be to me like a mother.” Are you seeing wahala? I don’t want the woman to say, “look after me, take care of me, help me, you have not said ‘I love you today,’ you haven’t done this.” Let it be the other way. I said, so you don’t want her to demand love from you, but you want the opposite? That is the major challenge.
“Welcome home from work Sir, how was work today? Everything went well?” The man wants that but he doesn’t know that the woman also needs that: “how are you honey, are you alright? You are looking somehow today, did anybody offend you?” There are people, their wife is with them in the house and the woman almost died of a terminal disease. Church Gist. She was almost dead before the man knew this woman was dying. They are in the same house, he never knew. A strange woman was in the middle and the husband said, you know what? I am tired of this relationship; very rich man. All the properties I have, anyone out of it you want, carry it, so that you can just leave me and go, so I can marry someone else.
The woman said, I don’t need any of the property, I need you. He said, “No, it is over!” Unknown to him at the time he was doing all these things, this woman was dying of a terminal disease. Finally the woman said,” you know what? I am going to leave you and I am not going to take any of your properties. I want you to do only one thing for me: you know the way you carried me in your hand on our wedding day, I want you to carry me like that every day for thirty days. After you have finished doing that, I can go.”
The first day, the man carried his wife, she was weightless. He said, “Haha, what is wrong? No weight?” Second day, third day, fourth day, then the bond began to come back. Before he could finish, they were so bounded, but already the woman had a few more days to live. The doctor told her and she knew the number of days, that was how she gave the man the days to carry her. Church Gist. She didn’t want to die with bitterness and unforgiveness. At the end, the man was ready to come back to his wife and ready to love the wife back, but it was too late. That was how he hated the woman literally unto death, because of a stranger in his relationship.
Be committed, while you are interested in wanting your wife’s focus, be interested in her attention as well and vice versa. “My husband hasn’t said, I love you today.’ Have you found out about your husband’s work today? How is he faring? He is not in a mindset to say, ‘I love you to anybody’ because he was harassed in the office terribly, because he is battling with performance, because they have threatened that they will sack him and you are not aware and you are not seeing things from his own perspective and you want him to behave like a machine all the time. Church Gist. You know how many people want Hollywood and textbook kind of relationship; “I am entering the car, open the door for me and then close the door.” E go hard oooo; impossible, because the man is a man and under some circumstances, he’s unable to function like that because of the pressures of life.
So, be interested in the fulfillment and satisfaction of the other person and for those of you who are married, satisfaction and fulfilment must be mutual. Most men don’t care about the feelings or the satisfaction of their wives. When they come under pressure, they begin to pursue their wives like the he-goat used to do in the village and then, they got what they wanted and left the poor woman frustrated, unfulfilled, unaccomplished, achieve nothing out of it, she felt like she was used like the prostitute or something and this cycle repeats permanently. Church Gist. Who told you that it is only your right to satisfy yourself? The way man behave, everybody have the equality of that right. They say three things are major issues in marriage: money, power or influence and intimacy. These three areas, if it can be overcome, where there is no struggle for who is more powerful and money issues are handled and then, intimacy issue, then that marriage has a future.
When we are in marriage class for only married people, I will become more brutal. But let’s keep the mind of young people safe so that they don’t begin to think about what they are not yet licensed to think about, what might be their reality in five or ten years and then, they are considering it now. That will be too much pressure on the mind. Be committed to the fulfillment and satisfaction of your spouse, not just your fulfilment. This is wisdom that will save a home and cause smile and a tension free relationship and I believe the Lord will help us in Jesus’ name.
6). Maintain trust at every cost (Proverbs 18:24). Let your husband or your wife be able to trust you with information and trust you with their lives and there are things that can happen that can affect trust; when a husband gives you his confidential information, secrets about his life and things that you know and the next thing, he is hearing it from your friends and vice versa, it is an attack on trust.
When contention arise between you and your husband and you are using something in his life to insult him and vice versa; “You that said they drove you from secondary school because you stole, no wonder you can’t even give me food money. Is it because I am managing you? Thief, Thief.” It is something that happened that he didn’t tell anybody; nobody is aware, only you and it becomes an insult matter, that is the end. Church Gist. Even if he is dying, he will not tell you. He will confide more in outsiders. Or something like, are you really sure the person you called your father is your father?” Trust is completely dead and let me tell you; “Trust is the strength of relationship; when trust is dead, relationship is gone.”
7). Lubricate your relationship with joy and merriment (Proverbs 17:22). There is nothing as good for a relationship like a sense of humour. Every man who is able to muster that sense of humour; find the ability to make your wife and children laugh, if possible. Enjoy the jokes of your wife if you cannot make jokes yourself. This is very healthy for a relationship.
I said, lubricate because lubrication, when the bolt joint of vehicles; metal to metal is becoming dry of lubrication, then it begins to make cracking sound and then, begin to become problematic. You lubricate it. One day, somebody was with us, I think in a car or in the house and he said, “Do you make your wife to laugh all the time?” Church Gist. I said, “Well, most of the time. When we are together with children, we have our group chat, everybody, no matter where you are, we are together. Some humourous things are going on. People are laughing and cracked up everywhere they are and it is medicinal.
There are people who have never joked with each other; official husband. It is like the village type; you know how we used to do in our village? The man is working in front, wife is carrying yam and following behind, carrying all manner of load and the bag and the man is working in front. He is carrying no load; just carrying stick. Church Gist. When they reach home, she will kill the chicken, the man will carry the drumstick, breast area and then, give them the head, neck and the legs for them to divide – official husband. Who told you that, that is how man should be?
Most of the things we saw when we were growing up with our parents are not correct. If you are following that approach, you are analog husband or wife. That is, people were laughing before you came home, when you arrived, they are adjusting themselves; children just rush and start doing homework in hurry. Wife adjust herself in a corner somewhere.
“Where is my food?”
Response: On the table Sir
Is that all you will say? Can’t you come and serve it yourself?
Response: I am sorry Sir
What kind of tension is this? Where is it written, don’t laugh with your wife? Where is written, if you laugh, you are not a man? Jesus, as manly as he was, he wept. He could express emotions. Church Gist.There are men that are as emotionless as a stone. Wife is crying, it doesn’t move them; “Cry won’t solve this thing, stop. Calm down, just finish the cry, let’s continue.”
- You will never marry analog husband or wife!
A merry heart doeth good like medicine, you will be younger, you will feel better and more lively. You will be happier with your wife. Your potentials will explode and you come to a point like David where you are just versatile all-round. Lubricate your relationship with merriment. I went to the bookstore many times when I was buying Christian books and I also got some two or three Christian humour books, just to charge myself up first and then to use it to charge people around me up when necessary. That good sense of humour, quality, correct, clean humour; not the type that they make and talk all manner of rubbish in the name of trying to make people laugh and lying inside.
“One day, I dey go for road and I con see….” He didn’t go for road anywhere, he saw nothing.
- I prophesy upon somebody here today, a new day, a new beginning, a new season, new grace, new help, new mercy!
Lift up your hands and let’s appreciate God; appreciate Him, honour Him and adore Him. Father, we honour You and we adore You. Blessed be Your name, honour to Your name, adoration to Your name, glory to Your name. We worship You, we love You, we honour You and we adore You. Be glorified, be honoured, be adored. Thank You Master!
PRAYERS:
- Father, I receive the grace for marital wisdom, for relationship wisdom; I receive the grace to function with relationship wisdom. I receive deliverance from every level and action of foolishness in relationship. I receive the grace to function with wisdom in relationship in the name of Jesus.
Galatians 3:3
- Father, in the name of Jesus, I take authority over every anti-marital curse, witchcraft, occultic and soulish prayers against my family, future and marital destiny; I declare, you curse, satanic agenda and desire concerning my life, future and marital destiny, you are frustrated now.
- Father, I come before You, I receive Your grace, help and mercy to do it well; I receive it now.
FIFEFUL DECLARATIONS:
- I pray for everyone here today, I pray for the help of God, the mercy of God and the grace of God; I pray for the capacity and ability to do it well in the name of Jesus!
- I decree today, help for marriages, home; the God who has helped us all these years, may you receive the same help.
- Everyone trusting God to be established in marriage, in this season, God will show you the right person!
- In the name of Jesus, you will not end up in the wrong relationship and home!
- Everyone who is already married and trusting God for the marriage to become better, I prophesy that your marriage wine shall be multiplied and renewed!
- Wisdom to function well is released upon you right now in the name of Jesus!
- Everyone that is single again, may God give you grace to do it well and find the right person and to be established well in the name of Jesus!
- Every battle in a marriage; sickness of a child, husband or wife; I declare that battle is over!
- Every battle with barrenness, poverty, empty handedness, scarcity; I declare that battle is arrested and I prophesy the help of God upon your life now in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost in Jesus precious name!
- Everyone trusting God for fruitfulness, what will make you become a mother and a father, I declare it is released upon you! Embargo is lifted from your life, in Jesus precious name!
(Altar Call)
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